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Captain’s Log

April 17, 2016

One week of the HOC, captured through the twisted psyche of one morally ambiguous Megan J. Biggs. Read at your own peril.

Captain’s Log

April 10, 2016

  • Went out to get ice cream for my sister-wife
  • Why does Maren say “BYE MAYDEN” when I’m not leaving?
  • She also says “HELLO MAYDEN” a lot. It cancels out.
  • Omg. I got the apple tv box working again.
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  • Maren’s down for her nap. Watching the second twilight movie (not even at my suggestion). Dag and Andrea will judge us for this. #worthit

April 11, 2016

  • Waiting patiently for Andrea to make me dinner. Tunisian Soup.
  • Query of the day : “Where did all our spoons go?”
  • Steph : I hate it when people say ‘food orgasm’
    Andrea : how about ‘food-related orgasm’?
  • Now somebody is making T-Rex sounds at the dinner table. I’m surrounded by ruffians
  • Guess we’re watching Eclipse tonight. Why is everyone really into Twilight right now
  • Date night’s about to start. Book-making with Andrea.

April 12, 2016 – The Night of the Estrogen Palace

  • Didn’t get home until 7:30. Came home to a living room of powerful women.
  • Sequence of events :
    1.Watched the mindy project
    2. Alessa and Steph squabbled. Sarah got uncomfortable
    3. Kate came home
    4. Listened to a cover of total eclipse of the heart
    5. Watched Eclipse – here is a play-by-play of the commentary

JUST PRETEND YOURE WATCHING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND SHUT UP
RUN YOU FOOL
Hahahahahah his hair. So much gel.
It’s T.S. Eliot, you guys. T.S. Eliot.
They can’t while he’s a vampire, he’ll destroy her. He’s too strong.
What are you guys doing over there? She’s recording it.
He’s got a wristband on.
I think he’s ugly.
I think he’s a bum person.
Oh, is this the part where takes his shirt off?
Aw, he writes notes instead of watching her sleep? That’s so cute.
I don’t remember what happened last movie. Somebody pause it and explain the entire plot of the last movie to me.
She can’t talk to her parents once she becomes a vampire. If she keeps a relationship with them it’ll be weird. Because she’ll want to eat them.
Victoria, I love her. Oh wait, it’s a different actress. I hate her.
Why don’t they make people sign CONTRACTS?!
The other one’s hair was better.
They’re seventeen, remember? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN!
OH NO CHARLIE! Nothing bad happens right? I need to know. I need to know. I need to know.
Wow. They’re big.
Dolphin.

April 13, 2016

  • My turn to cook dinner. Things were simpler in the hunter-gatherer days when I didn’t have to learn how to cook tofu. Why is it so slippery?
  • The late great re-appearance of Dan Zepick. Is it just me or does he have, like, a different character voice for everything he says. He seems to have great expertise on keeping things weird, but in a good way
  • A bromance has just been struck up between Dan and Matthias. Not even Obama and Trudeau will be able to top this one
  • So tired after dinner that I just made puppy dog eyes at Matthias until he volunteered to do the dishes. God bless that man
  • Business Meeting Time. I’m chairing. Some say it’s because I’m the bossiest. Pretty sure that’s not the reason. It might be the reason. Pro Tip : When people are getting off topic I find it’s helpful to yell “MICHAEL BOLTON I’M REALLY GONNA NEED YOU TO FOCUS UP” Seriously though it is like herding cats in here tonight
  • Hot Topic of the Night : Can non-christians become core members of a Christian community? Well tbh I’m not sure why they’d want to, but anyway. Somebody open up a window, it’s getting all controversial up in this joint. At least only one person cried. I’m asking the tough questions! Dag is being too smart again. Somebody needs to take that guy down a few pegs. Come on, Dag. Why can’t you dumb it down for the working man?
  • Stock phrasing : “Nothing has been decided. We’ll table this discussion until a later time.”
  • Jesse has complimented me at least 18 times on the dinner I cooked. It’s nice to be appreciated…vociferously

April 14, 2016

  • Community Dinner tonight. Just got home from work. Want to hide in my room in the fetal position all night. I will now take this hour to pretend that I don’t exist, and then emerge, like a freshly born calf, at precisely 7 pm
  • Apparently everyone is going to a Jordan Klassen concert tonight. On a school night? What fresh hell is this? Which means there will be a mass exodus from the HOC at approximately 8 pm. Thankfully Sarah has volunteered to stay behind to “look after the stragglers” – good thing because we all know I ain’t gonna do it. Being a team player is knowing when to let others take the…offense, insert some more sports terminology here, blah blah blah etc.
  • “Have you ever seen a hug like that before?”
  • Bruce just got out his battery-powered boombox. Now he’s drumming along to it. “Guess who’s debuting at the Ship & Anchor on Saturday?”
  • Other Bruce wants to know what I’m working on. “Is it an email? Will it put a million dollars in my chequing account?” Only time will tell, Bruce.
  • I’m always amazed by how good Sarah is at….talking. Her ability to carry on conversations is endless. This is why I always want to take her with me to social events.
  • “I come for the great company. It’s not good, it’s great.”
  • “That is the best picture I have ever seen in my adult life.”
  • Bruce just asked me if we were trying to kick Sarah out. Hahahha….not on my watch
  • “Is Sarah working tomorrow?”
    “I don’t know, Bruce. You’d better ask her.”
    “Why is it MY JOB to do EVERYTHING?”
  • Everyone’s clearing out already! The Good Lord is smiling down on me!
  • Kate is now delivering a monologue about Wendy’s chicken nuggets

April 15, 2016

  • It’s payday. Thank God. Mental note : Remember to buy Kate oranges
  • House deserted. How peculiar. How divine.
  • Went out for dinner with Dan and Steph. Got reprimanded by a waitress
  • Movie Night With Everyone Who Lives Here : Sisters, with Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. It is so weird watching Ike Barinholtz in a role that is not mindy project oriented, but kinda cool too. Aw. He got a ballerina stuck up his bum. Been there! Nope. Haven’t been there.

April 16, 2016

  • Woke up at 11:45. Missed Ember’s birthday party. Balls.
  • Went shopping for “business casual” clothes with Steph. Another sober reminder of how we’re 30 now. Car died. Called Alessa to come get us.
  • Vitamin D Time. We have all congregated in the yard.
  • Cleaned the kitchen and the living room to the musical stylings of….Handel. And Paul Simon. And Taylor Swift. That’s my usual playlist. I kept secretly hoping Mariah Carey’s pop hit “Heartbreaker” would come on, but it never did.
  • Heard the dulcet tones of Maren on the baby monitor. Ran downstairs to get her but Alessa was already on top of it. I was greeted by a most relentless scent. “I did a big poop!” Yes you did, Maren. Yes. You. Did.
  • She’s really good at saying butter now. Butter. Butter. Butter. She can even yell it. BUTTER!
  • She kept telling me about her new bicycle but soon as we got her outside, “I don’t WANT it!” Maren’s catch phrases : “I want it” or “I don’t want it.”
  • I really like that she’s able to communicate her needs and wants now.
  • Kate & Nicole just showed up. Watching Maren eat blueberries.
  • It literally looks like she ruthlessly murdered one giant blueberry
  • Need to find my summer clothes in the storage room but it’s too hard so I’m just going to wait until they come to me.
  • Everyone went to get slurpies. Really hoping they’ll bring me one back.
  • Want Steph to stop calling me bae but not sure how to go about it

Recent Happenings

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Some of us climbed a mountain on Easter Sunday

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Steph started roasting coffee again.

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Ginger Enthusiasts Club

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flower girl

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hugs at the park

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special house guest

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